Storytelling - The end of our breastfeeding journey…

845 days.
28 months.
2 years (almost 2.5).

I have roughly worked out (with Amaia’s longer latched feeding style) that we would have spent over 4,000hrs breastfeeding together. Our breastfeeding journey was equal to someone working 2 years of full time work and sometimes it did actually feel like a full time job for me too…

A job that required me to surrender, over and over again.

A job that required relentless devotion and selflessness.

A job that required me to slow down and be present.

Breastfeeding to me, is the ultimate practice of Bhakti Yoga and the practice of breastfeeding my sweet love, actually deepened my connection to yoga as a whole. In fact; for many hours of our breastfeeding journey, I would chant my favourite (or needed) Sanskrit mantras to lull Amaia into a slumber or support my nervous system, I would practice Japa meditation or connect to pranayama techniques…

Like many facets of Motherhood, breastfeeding supported me to dissolve layers of my ego and to focus my output of energy on a purpose higher than myself.

For me, breastfeeding my first child, has been the deepest spiritual journey that I have ever offered myself to. It’s for this reason, that I also found the hardest part of our weaning journey to be the grief I felt around this chapter coming to an end.

So I have really taken the time to honour my feelings and tender heart as our relationship evolves. But I have also taken the time to celebrate our breastfeeding journey and my body too, which has been so cathartic and fun.

A little about our story…

I had my dream physiological birth with Amaia; everything I hoped for was actualised within the birth space and I know that how we birth can also play a big role on our breastfeeding experience, so it feels good to start by sharing that.

Our initial latch after birth was quite clunky (Amaia had so much vernix and was soo slippery which actually made our first feed quite hilarious, I remember laugh-crying quite bit at this haha) while also being quite shocked at the strong sensations that the nipple stimulation brought to my uterus as I waited for my placenta to be birthed. However, despite the clunkiness of learning something completely new, we had a beautiful start to our feeding journey; I was/am still so grateful for that.

Around day 3 after birth, I began experiencing nipple damage that changed our beautiful start into something less than… Despite my midwife’s strong recommendations not to, I got my husband (Dan) to buy nipple shields so that there would be some reprieve (I used them for about two weeks on/off).

I am unbelievably glad I did and in hindsight, I also really celebrate myself for trusting my intuition here because this was the first initiation in our breastfeeding journey that taught me that it was not only safe to trust my intuition in this part of my Motherhood journey but it was in fact necessary.

It was later, on this same day that I said to Dan… “I think our baby has a tongue tie” and that I wanted another midwife/lactation consultant to look at this being a possibility.

Over the following 2 weeks, we had 3 different midwives/IBCLC’s tell us that it didn’t appear that Amaia had a tongue tie but my intuition said otherwise. It wasn’t until we saw another IBCLC (Kerrie Adams for any Gold Coaster’s wondering) at around 7 weeks old, that she confirmed what I knew to be true and was appalled that other practitioner’s didn’t pick up on it because her tongue/lip tie was so significant that she had minimal oral function and could barely lift her top lip as needed for not only breastfeeding but vagal toning, swallowing, communication and more… So after much deliberation and a deep dive into learning about significant tongue/lip ties, we decided to see a holistic dentist for a frenectomy (a 2 minute procedure using high pressure water to release the ties).

The decision to get this done was not a choice we made lightly but once again is a decision I am so grateful that we made because it not only made an immediate difference to our latch, Amaia’s nervous system but also her quality of sleep. We also saw a chiropractor, a naturopath/Chinese medicine practitioner (who specialised in shoni shin) and osteopath; who supported Amaia/I’s body + nervous system throughout this season of our breastfeeding journey too because significant tongue/lip ties are truly impactful on every aspect of ones health and development (plus my approach to health is to prioritise preventative measures that help us get to the root cause of health challenges).

Why am I sharing this with you in regards to our weaning story?

Because I know deep in my bones that we wouldn’t have been able to breastfeed for as long as we did and that I would not have had as positive an experience breastfeeding without this holistic support.

Breastfeeding is so primitive and powerful; yet I believe breastfeeding is also a privilege.

Without holistic support from wise women in their educated professions, without nourishing meals/access to high quality whole foods, without the financial privilege we have as a family and without the endless support of my inner circle of friends/family… I wouldn’t have had the healing breastfeeding journey that I HAVE had.

And my goodness it feels important to acknowledge that.

What weaning actually looked like for us…

If you’ve breastfed a toddler, I know you will likely giggle and empathise at the fact that breastfeeding a 2 year old is sometimes rough but between the acrobatic skills Amaia would practice while latched onto my nipple, there was this undeniable experience of connection and ecstasy. Those sacred pauses where we would stare into each other’s eyes and embrace our oneness, was everything.

It’s because of moments like these that I truly enjoyed breastfeeding for as long as I did. Witnessing my body nourish hers in more ways than one was something I felt so proud of within myself and is something the women in my family line have only experienced for a short period of time. However, once Amaia turned 2, I noticed myself yearning for more bodily autonomy and space.

We began tapering off from demand feeding and I was only offering her milk 2-3 times a day (this was about 6 weeks after her 2nd birthday)… To which Amaia expressed in several ways that she was not ready for.

I trust her wisdom and voice as much as I trust my own.

So I listened and surrendered to embracing demand feeding once again (feeding whenever she wanted and as many times as she needed). We had a few more months of demand feeding; with occasionally reminding Amaia of how she was growing up into a strong and powerful big girl AND that when she was ready, that my “milkies” would be all gone.

Then one day, I was feeding her to sleep in her nap time and she unlatched to tell me that “Mummy’s milkies are going back up to the stars” *cue allllll the silent tears on my behalf haha*.

While she napped, I surrendered to the fact that she was feeling more ready than I was to wean but also acknowledging that I wanted to trust her and that her communicating this as a 2yr old was no small feat.

A week later, we had our final feed.

That final week of feeding was so emotional and heart wrenching for me as I savoured all the lastmoments as I possibly could but it was also so beautiful (because Motherhood is full of dualities, right?!).

Once I felt clear in my mind and body on what day would be our last day of feeding, it was easy to communicate that to Amaia. I would even go as far to say that she was a lot more grounded once I did communicate this.

The day before our last feeds, Taylah, a gorgeous friend of mine captured us breastfeeding on film (these are the photos I share in this blog) and it felt like the first ceremony to initiate this chapter closing as a Mother/Daughter dyad.

The day of our final feed was yet again very emotional for me as a deeply feeling woman and mama but there was a sense of ease amidst these big emotions too. That night, a circle of my closest soul sisters came over to honour and celebrate me as a Mother.

Bringing with them their overwhelming love, flowers (that looked like boobs), my favourite comfort foods, my favourite margarita mix (hehe), hand written love notes and my long-time friend Zoe even made me surprise boob cupcakes.

It was unbelievably special to have them listen to me and honour me in the way that they did; it honestly felt even more special because each of them are Maiden’s and communicated that they don’t always understand every facet of Motherhood because they haven’t experienced this rite of passage themselves but they always want to try to understand/honour me as a Mother in every way they can.

That kind of platonic, devoted and sisterly love from my girlfriends… Gosh, it’s one of my most prized parts in this life.

After a whole evening of being honoured by my nearest and dearest…

It was important to me that Amaia had that same level of love and acknowledgment. So we spent the following day doing literally ALL her favourite things, we let her choose her own present from a local toy shop (she chose Connectix so we played all afternoon with her using her special present) and had a little ceremony + cake with our family of three to celebrate her/make her feel as loved as we possibly could.

It was all so simple but it was all so perfect.

Amaia has been extremely calm, grounded and happy throughout our weaning journey. I feel that is a reflection of the acknowledgement, celebration and love we poured into this process.

I too, have felt acknowledged, celebrated and loved throughout our weaning process but I also had major hormonal shifts to navigate. Because we essentially “cold-turkied” our breastfeeding from a place of demand feeding (this is what felt best for us), I knew that there would be hormonal ramifications/consequences for that choice.

I had about 3-4 days of feeling really down and detached from the world around me but I prepared for this… With supplements, massage appointments, acupuncture appointments, scheduling in more time for self care (which predominantly looked like attending yoga classes and Netflix) and also had a week of iron rich meals made for me.

Coming out of that 3-4 days of heaviness, felt as though the clouds had lifted and that in hindsight, it was a necessary part of our weaning story so that I could properly grieve the change in seasons.

Once again, I feel deeply grateful for the privilege that is weaved throughout each facet of my support system and process. I truly only knew of negative or traumatic weaning stories and it was important for me to re-write this narrative for myself (but also others).

Words that I would use to describe our weaning journey include but are not limited to; easeful, sacred, grounded, loving and fun.

That in itself feels like a pretty good achievement to me.

The fact is that weaning is another major and under-acknowledged rite of passage that many women walk alone. So while I mostly write this blog for me to read and connect with over time, I also wanted to write this blog for others to see/hear the medicine they need from it.

When women share experiences and stories, we heal and we grow as a collective.

There is so much more I wish to share on breastfeeding, weaning and the transition that takes place in our relationships as the breastfeeding chapter comes to a close…

But this imperfect story-telling feels like a beautiful place to start.


Thank you for reading and being here.

With love,
Micaela x